Again

Yeah, I know I literally only write to you when I need you and I’m THAT kind of friend; for that, I apologise.
I feel like when life gets too much, I have to write about it. It helps me understand my situation and how I feel about it. It helps me rationalise things, I can be a super emotional person and sometimes, in volatile situations and when life is up in the air, I tend to act based on how I feel and not what’s sensible, before I’ve calmed down and had a word with myself.
I guess I post it because it might make someone else feel like they’re not the only one without their shit together and that’s what I’m about – creating a united front of completely average to below average luck. Hoorah.

I’m going to start with something that’s been bumming me out for nearly two years. I definitely need to do something about it but that requires talking about my feelings which is not my forte. I don’t know how to bring it up and I don’t think it matters to the person in question so yeah, it’s really difficult situation but I have a lot to say that I just walked away from because the message I got from an action was very clear. The messages I’ve gotten since are not so clear. Ambiguous, aloof.. Ghosting and randomly reappearing in my life etc.  Unresolved feelings and unfinished business and not being communicated with and having something honestly explained. It eats me up. And as much as I wish I could shrug it off and walk away from it, I just can’t.
Anyway. I don’t know. Watch this space? Maybe I need to make a better effort of moving on. And just wiping this all from my mind. Obviously I’ve written about this extensively in private for my own eyes and sanity but it’s still largely unresolved for me. Pray 4 av.

Secondly.
If you know me/have tolerated so many of my social media spamming of my room and reading nook, kitchen, kitchen door etc (sob) you’d know that I was literally in love with this house. I’m not going to air out my dirty laundry online because I’m an adult and not about that life. I’ve had to move out and I’m genuinely really upset about the whole situation and I’m not even out of it yet and I very much want everything to be over so I can move on with my life and remove myself from a negative situation that I’m forever being drawn back into. IT SUCKS. It hurts. Everything hurts. I just want it to be over.
I guess this has made me quite aloof and withdrawn. I’m definitely upset and I definitely ugly cried in the bath last night because everything got a bit much. I feel like everyone has done this. So I’m okay with having done that. It’s been a while.

Other than that… Life’s good. I’m enjoying uni, I’m going to Canada on a conference for students as partners which is something I’m super passionate about, I’m dead excited to take part in it. I’m really proud of myself recently. And it’s spring, I’m busy, I’ve got loads of cool opportunities ahead of me and yeah. Fun.

sorry that it’s short and sweet, full of ramblings and mostly unstructured. I guess I’m 90% stress and 10% enjoying life but I’m really loving that 10% and taking pleasure in the fact that it’s my future, whilst this stuff going on with my house right now will hopefully, soon be the past.

I’m an advocate for being honest, even when it’s bad. So yeah. I’d be rubbish if I preached honesty but didn’t practise it myself.
Here’s a picture of a dog to make this worthwhile. I think it’s expression reflects my thoughts.
small-dog-stock

I hope you’re all having good luck and enjoying all the daffodils out at the moment.

Peace & love always,
Av
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