Happy=Sad

Let me explain this in more detail:
The happier I get, the sadder I get. It’s really hard to explain now I try to get it down into words instead of feelings.

I welcome homesickness, because it reminds me where I’ve come from, how hard I’ve worked to get here and the achievements I’ve made to be here today.
I also appreciate it because; I never appreciated Southampton when I was there. It is a grubby little town, but it was my grubby little town. I knew all the shortcuts to work, to college. I knew all the places to park at all times of the day. I knew if I popped into Unit there’d always be a familiar and friendly face.
I’d go into work knowing at some point during the day/night I’d serve one of my best friends, and I got to hang out with my best friends and get paid for it.

I know that after work either my gorgeous Mum or Stepdad would welcome me home with a cup of tea and some familiarity and love.
For the best 9 months of my life, I knew that when I’d wake up I’d probably be seeing my (at the time) boyfriend. I knew I’d be exceptionally happy at some point of the day because someone thought the world of me and they’d give up such an amount of time to hang with me. I’d probably wake up with him the next day.
I knew that if I wanted to see my best friend, I could see her in half an hour.
I knew that if I had a bad day and wanted to blow some steam, I had her, or a handful of people to call to talk to, or go out with.

So I appreciate homesickness because it makes me appreciate home. Something no one does enough.

I have really, really good days,  and then I have some pretty awful ones.
Although I have my Dad and sister here, the relationships are nothing like the ones I have at home. And some days, today being one of them, I would so quickly jump back on a plane and spend a night with my best friends, whether it’s just fucking around in the DJ booth with Dav and Dani or it’s doing a number of shots with my work mates, or if it’s with Lauren, or Max, or my parents, or fucking anything familiar.

My good days are great though. There’s nothing like waking up at 5 and heading to the beach and being greeted by a community of runners and walkers and the views are really fantastic.
And I obviously love my sister and Dad, and it’s great being here with them. I don’t really have a ‘but’ for that. It’s what I’ve wanted for the best part of 10 years and now I have it, and no it’s not exactly what I thought it would be, but it’s pretty damn close.

On another note,
How many people can say they moved to the other side of the world when they were 19? Having only 2 people here, leaving a boyfriend, a family, a group of super crazy fantastic friends,  leaving everything I knew to explore a new adventure and to make something of myself and become successful. I’m really proud of myself, because I think what I’ve done is not something a lot of people could do. I’m proud of my drive, my ambition and my ability to constantly work for and get what I want. I’ve done really well and I’m so excited to start Uni and work and start really working towards my future, and my family’s future.

And afterall, some fit bird with a good pair of lungs once said “The blood in these veins isn’t pumping any less than it ever has” and I think that’s quite relevant.

Thanks for reading,

Av

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: